22 Feb Understanding, Handling and Preventing Cheating
PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND CHEATING
Cheating is a violation of your commitment between you and your relationship partner, which could be your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend. In other words, you’re having an affair with another person who is outside of your monogamous relationship and it could be through (physical: erect, emotional: tibok, sexual exclusivity) means of cheating even though there’s no label between you and the other person.
People who are engaged in an affair or cheating may have a long-term effect on their significant partner, and this may include:
- The feeling of self-doubt and asking questions such as “Why?” Yes, why did he or she do this? And we only continue to ask ourselves these questions with bitterness and regret.
- The possibility of experiencing increased anxiety or depression.
- They may feel overwhelmed by guilt.
- Feeling helpless or trapped in the situation are other common feelings.
- The feeling of having trust issues
- feelings of worthlessness due to lowered self-esteem.
There are many reasons why people cheat, but whatever your reasons may be, there are no valid reasons when it comes to cheating with your partner. There are six key reasons why people cheat (Raypole, 2019).
1. Out of anger and the desire to take revenge is one of the examples why do people cheat on their partner
2. Falling out of love. When you first fall in love with your partner, you may have the feelings of passion, excitement, and rushes of dopamine from simply getting a text from them. However, these feelings won’t last long, and your feelings will suddenly fade away. In these kinds of relationships, that is without romantic love, may lead to a desire to experience love again and motivate infidelity or cheating.
3. Situational factors and opportunity. Having an opportunity to cheat may also lead to desire to cheat, however that doesn’t mean everyone who has the opportunity to cheat will do so. Examples of these situational factors are those people who are frustrated with their recent distance relationship and dealing with their feelings of low self-esteem when it comes to their appearance.
4. Commitment issues are when a person is having a hard time with commitment. This may lead to cheating in some cases, such as having very different ideals when it comes to their relationship. There are also other reasons why a person cheats when it comes to commitment issues, such as:
- lack of interest in committing long-term
- wanting a more casual relationship
- wanting a way out of a relationship
5. Unmet needs. Many people choose to stay in a relationship in the hopes of improving their unmet needs in order to make it a fulfilling relationship; however, unmet needs, such as the need for intimacy that was not met in a relationship, can lead to frustration, which can lead to cheating. This includes unmet sexual needs and unmet emotional needs.
6. Sexual desire. As simple sexual desire could lead a person to cheat on their partner, this includes unmet sexual needs and partners having different sex drives can lead to cheating.
7. Wanting variety is often related to different sexual desires when it comes in the context of a relationship. However, variety can also be related to:
- different conversations or styles of communication
- different non-sexual activities
- attraction to other people
- relationships with other people in addition to their current partner
These kinds of variety can somewhat attract a person, in a monogamous relationship it sometimes hard to find these attractions depending on you and this may also lead to the desire of cheating.
8. Low self-esteem. If the person who is already in a relationship wants to boost his/her self-esteem may also lead to cheating because of wanting to receive admiration and approval from someone new which can seem different and exciting for you.
There are also specific reasons why people cheat, which can be categorized into two: why men and women cheat.
REASONS WHY MEN CHEAT
1. Immaturity or still discovering/knowing oneself; display, emotions, and comprehension
2. Recurring issues such as unresolved fights
3. Retaliation against his current relationship partner
4. Insecurities about his partner’s ideal guy.
5. He wanted to escape his current relationship, so he would resort to cheating instead of breaking up with his partner in a good and meaningful way.
6. Lack of support from his partner could be emotional, physical, or ideals and aspirations.
7. Men who are torn between limerence and commitment.
- Limerence: The stage of excitement between him and his relationship partner is fading away, or he is falling out of love.
- Commitment: you’re always there for your partner, but the sense of love and passion is already gone.
REASONS WHY WOMEN CHEAT
1. She feels under-appreciated, neglected, or ignored in her current relationship, which she sees as important, memorable, and memorable on her part.
2. Her craving for passion has not been satisfied.
3.The feeling of loneliness is due to unmet expectations from her partner.
4. She was expecting too much from her relationship.
5. She’s reenacting her early trauma, such as her family issues.
HOW TO HANDLE / DEAL WITH A CHEATER
- Take time for yourself, stabilize your emotions, and heal. Just breathe and don’t abandon yourself by being with your family and friends, and don’t try to look for a partner at this moment.
- Try to gather enough evidence against your partner because adultery is a crime.
- Try to get a pregnancy test and an STD test before you break up with your partner.
- Confront your partner for closure.
- Try to seek help from someone who is not biased.
- Never blame yourself. Cheating is a selfish act.
- Surround yourself with people you can trust.
- Use these experiences as a reason for character development.
- Decide what you want when it comes to your relationship.
HOW TO PREVENT CHEATING
- Attempt to resolve conflicts, missing, expectations, and differences as early as possible through open communication.
- If you think your relationship is not doing well or at all, maybe it’s time to settle things down and break up. Don’t resort to cheating.
- Don’t expect too much, and give your partner attention.
- Let your relationship grow and improve.
- Define what kind of commitment you want to have.
- Always remember that love is a decision, judgement and a promise: “I CHOOSE TO STAY” or “I CHOOSE TO LOVE” or “I CHOOSE TO CHEAT”
We may all have our own different preferences when it comes to love and relationships depending on what attracts us, and we should define for ourselves the things we really like, especially when it comes to a relationship. We should also remove the mindset of expecting too much for our ideal relationship, and we should be realistic when it comes to it. Always remember that there are no valid reasons when it comes to cheating, infidelity, or adultery. You’re just making things worse if you are resorting to this kind of solution to your problems in your current relationship.
Selterman, D., Garcia, J. R., & Tsapelas, I. (2017, December 17). Motivations for Extradyadic Infidelity Revisited. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29244527/.
Raypole, C. (2019, October 11). Why Do People Cheat in Relationships? Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/why-people-cheat.
McGowan, E. (2019, January 16). Here’s How 8 Relationship Experts Define Cheating. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/8-relationship-experts-define-cheating-15823813.
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